Bipolar.
That word might cause some of you to cringe. Others, maybe you want to read more like you are reading a gossip column; you’re eager for the juicy deets. Either way gather around as we talk about a disorder that some use flippantly to discuss the weather.
PART ONE:
In this first post, we will dissect mania. Sometimes people think all this means is feeling super happy and excitable. While yes this can be true, there is much more. Instead of spitting definitions at you, I will share personal examples of how mania is portrayed in my life. This is what mania means to me:
It is having so much energy that you don’t know what to do with it. Once I ran around outside in the middle of the night for over an hour because the adrenaline was scathing within.
It is feeling super powerful and strong, like I have superhuman strength and could take on the world. Not just Mr. Incredible strong, rather feeling invincible.
When I am manic it usually triggers creativity which feels like a super talent. The mania is like fire under my skin. I am restless with ideas and it bursts with a sort of mad creative passion.
Life is beautiful and vibrant. Literally, my sensations are on high alert, the stimuli around me is on edge. Colors become more vibrant, almost what I would attune to synesthesia. Words come alive with color and things around me are much brighter. Sounds are more vivid and I crave to hear them. Like racing down the highway with my windows down for the rush of adrenaline and sound.
It is the incessant need to babble and ramble. Reality is too slow to keep up with my words. I talk louder and faster, like moving in hyper speed. Feeling like all of my thoughts are brilliant and take precedence over someone else's.
Feeling extremely irritable at times, especially when someone interrupts me with what I am doing or saying, (especially when someone is interrupting my brilliant thoughts) and being more aggressive with my tone and words. Bless the people I live with.
It is exhausting to be yourself… to live in your own skin because it feels like your skin is crawling and buzzing with anxiety and restlessness.
Mania is overwhelming and terrifying because you don’t know when it will end, yet it is like a cuddly pet monster that sweet talks and persuades me to become an altered version of myself.
To be honest, sometimes the manic side is a little fun. I become more confident and in control; I can take on an innumerable amount of tasks and completely crush them.
These are just some of the ways in which mania affects me. I would love to continue this conversation. Please reach out to me and I will answer any and all questions you might have! When we talk about it, we lessen the stigma. Let’s slay the stigma of mental health!